Top Five...
Yo mama insults (please do not take these jokes offensively):
Yo mama's so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo mama's so fat that when she stood on a scale it said, "To be continued."
Yo mama's so cheap that when someone's at the door, she runs to the nearest window and yells, "Ding, dong."
Yo mama's so ugly that when she stuck her head out the window, she got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama's so poor that she sings, "We are family..." with the cockroaches on her house's wall.
Excuses for children's' absences in school:
"Please excuse Jacquelyn for being absent today. She was sick and under the doctor".
"Please excuse John from school yesterday, he had a tooth removed from his face."
"Please excuse Laura for being absent on Monday. Since we forgot to get the paper off the porch on Sunday, when we found it Monday we thought it was Sunday."
Please excuse Pedro for being absent yesterday he had (diareha) (diaherrete) (diaharea), the sh*ts.
Please excuse Steveodore for being absent from school yesterday, he had diarrhea and his boots leak.